Learning How to be Glam-Swag on the Subway

The Los Angeles subway is not a happy place.  You’re in the bowels of a city that is itself, a giant bowel.

Some unpleasant experiences:

  • Being trashed with a friend, on the way to the Avalon, getting in a train car filled with old people who, I guess, decided to shit themselves at the same time.  It smelled like an open anus.     
  • Crack-head nearly smashed by a train because she was taking a shit on the tracks and refused to get off until they were able to wipe herself.  Civilized.
  • Insane astrologist forcing me to enter a reminder on my cell phone for April 21st of the next year, titled: Barack Obama assassinated.
  • A Drunk laughing at me and telling my girlfriend at the time that it was a joke that she was dating me.
  • Friend from Midwest visiting, feeling bad for a homeless person so he buys a single flower from a hustler on the train (to my chagrin and against my sound advice), gives it to the homeless person, only to be laughed at and berated by the homeless person, the hustler, and half of the people on the train.

It’s amazing how much mental strength and dexterity you must have to ride the subway and be oblivious to the terrifying/bizarre people and things around you.

My roommate has this down to a science.

Massive noise-cancelling headphones that scream, “world, you’re dead to me.”  Ipad2 complete with connecting keyboard/dock.  Terrible Bosses rented via iTunes. A cell phone in hand (with absolutely no service) just in-case he wants to look even more preoccupied.   And any hope for human connection or empathy, crushed, ground down, and blown away with the wind. 

Look how happy he is!

I sat in amazement as he completely ignored the wheelchair bound (veteran?) man with the gnarly looking exposed flesh wounds on his legs, the drunken hipster girl trying to get away from a creepy heavy breather pressed up against her, and the crazy man dressed in a giant blue poncho/gown wearing lipstick and pearl earrings, way too much blush, and a purple heart necklace around his neck, staring at us.

When we got off at North Hollywood station, I asked him if he noticed any of this and he replied simply with, “what people?”  

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  1. laglam-swag posted this